And it begins again. Hockey.

Disclaimer: I totally don't get hockey pools and don't know the correct terminology and/or the way teams and grouping goes. Bear with me, hockey fans.

Ryan: Hahaha

Me: What?

Ryan: This one team in my hockey pool, is named "Ian has"

Me: Go on. (feigning interest)

Ryan: And then the next team is named "Penis Breath" and then the next one is named "And Balls on his Chin". Come see! It's funny.

Me: Okay! (walks over to his computer and looks) Ha ha! That is funny! Oh...and the group they're in is called "Our Wives Take it Fist Deep".

Ryan: Yeah!

Me: Ha...ha? Wait, I wonder if their wives kno...ARE YOU ON THAT TEAM?

Ryan: No! I'm Darth Skater, I'm there with "the Cobras".

Me: Awesome.


Hockey talk runs wild in our house 8-12 months of the year. It's insane. I'm considering learning all the player's names and watching every single game so I know what these conversations are about because honestly? I'm confused like 40 percent of the time Ryan is around his kids. Out of nowhere they're like:

"Hey papa, is Hockey McPlayerson a better defense than Puckman Shootsalot?"

"Hey, they said the year 1927 on T.V. That's the same year that Iceface Toothsmissing got that goal in Russia when they were playing against the Chicago Polar Bears, and then he was traded in 1931 for exactly this sum of money in September."

"Do you wanna trade my rookie Skateguy Jerseyson for Roofdaddy Gretzky? His statistics are exactly..."

Etcetera. It's insane. They know every single thing about every single guy. And I'm all like "whaaat?" or when it's the kids I say something like "Good memory" and pat them on the head and then turn back to my laptop cuz that's how I roll.

Just kidding but man...hockey. Everywhere.
My little brother just made it to the AAA hockey league. Which is awesome, it's kind of like the first step to going further with hockey, if you know what I'm saying.

I don't even know what I'm saying.

Evidence:

Me: What's that hockey thing Jaden made it to?

Ryan: ...what?

Me: You know, that good level? Of hockey?

Ryan: Triple A

Me: And how do I say that?

Ryan: Three A's. Like, A. A. A.

Me: Yeah but is it like "triple A level"? Or like, "triple A team"?

Ryan: (sighs) League.

Me: Oh yeah, thanks! (bats eyelashes, thinks of unicorns)

Anyone else living with hockey crazed lunatics?

NEW HAIR CUT!

The unstyle-able, unshape-able self cut mess I had before:

Yeah, maybe I messed it up extra good for the picture to make it seem even more unruly, but seriously, it was just bad all around and I always always always had it in a ponytail or up somehow.

Ashley from The Lab is so fantastic. Not only is she excellent at hair stuff, she's a genuinely nice person, she somehow remembers small details of my life I told her six months ago which makes me feel special, and she's an intelligent person who knows all the cool stuff that's going on in the city. I wouldn't say I have a non-sexual crush on her exactly, but I am definitely intimidated by her awesomeness every time I go see her.

Anyway,
on with the show!

(Trying to look nonchalant
while taking a picture
of the side of my own head.)

It looks kind of weird in this picture
but in real life it's fabulous.

I specifically asked for
"cool shaved bits, like on the side"
and I got 'em!

My favorite part!

I'm so happy. I feel like a new woman!

Holy shit, am I a hipster?

"hipsterism fetishizes the authentic"
elements of all the
"fringe movements
of the postwar era -
Beat, hippie, punk, even grunge"
- Christian Lorentzen, Time Out New York

This blog post by Sarah Von got me thinking.


Am I a hipster?

I mean, I definitely wouldn't categorize myself as a hardcore hipster. I don't have a fixie bike, I don't wear those fucking scarf things and I really need to wear glasses, they're not an accessory, they're a necessity. I don't go to parties or after parties or after after parties. I don't know any obscure indy music or film. I don't wear skinny jeans. I admit that I watch T.V. I don't like Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. Metal, bluegrass and folk are still my favorite music.

I'm afraid to do hipster things because of the social stigma. I can't wear as much plaid as I'd like, I don't go to my friend's band's shows because I don't want to be the only non-American apparel walking advertisement in the venue and get judged for it. I haven't worn my most ironic t-shirts in over a year because it's way too...hipster. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to use some cameras in public like my Holga.

But I blog, I have tattoos that are silly, I like (some of the) clothes from American Apparel, I talk about my cat too much, I love irony, I love stupid t-shirts and hoodies. I like thrift store shopping. I love cool shaved head haircuts on girls. I technically have an Arts Degree and I work in a (vegan owned) tattoo shop because it's fun. I like reading influential literature, and will take books on the bus. I'm vegetarian, and I prefer organic and local food. I don't own a car.

It's a toss up. Am I hipster or not?

Here's an adbusters article on hipsters.
The Hipster Handbook.

goodbye vertigo

I started writing a post about how I felt super weird on Sunday and went home from work because I was all dizzy and fainty-ish but as I re-read what I wrote I realized it was very, um, how should I put this?
Boring. That's it.

Nobody cares about the specifics.

Nothing really happened except I was uncharacteristically grouchy and then I had weird vertigo for a couple days and slept a lot and didn't go to work which sounds like an awesome holiday but trust me, it wasn't as glamorous as it sounds. And in the end I'm fine. I considered going to the doctor, then downgraded to considering an antihistamine to clear up my ears and, like I said, just ended up sleeping for like 86,400 seconds and whatever was going on stopped on its own.
So yeah, there's that.

Anyway, you know what today is?
HAIRCUT DAY!

Ahh yeah!

I'm gonna be a whole new woman.

Goodbye terrible hair
that I always have to have in a ponytail because I hate it so much!

Goodbye bangs I hate
because I totally cut them myself even though they really aren't that bad!

Hello fancypants new me!

encyclopediae woes

Say you were walking down the street one day and found an entire set of encyclopedias.

What would you do?

Would you

A) Keep on walkin' because old roadside books are gross and smell bad and maybe have a spider web in the box that you might find later.

B) Stop, look, lament the fact that a perfectly good set of learnin' books are on the side of the road and then wistfully leave them there, gazing back every few steps, but being realistic because, you know what? You have the internet. Who needs encyclopedias?

C) Panic, call your boyfriend asking him to leave the kids home alone so he can bring the car to where you are standing guard against the billions of other people who are obviously going to come snatch the books out from under your watchful gaze.

And so then maybe you chose 'C', and got the books back to your house. You cleared two entire shelves off for the encyclopedias. You got rid of the old boxes. You decided the books didn't really smell like mildew like you had feared.

What do you do when you realize, a month later, that you really don't want them? They're useless. You can't shake the thought that they're dirty, old, smelly and spidery. They're taking up tons of space and they're heavy. You can't admit this fact to your boyfriend, who owns the car, because of the huge fuss you made about really really wanting them.

How do you get rid of them?

Do you

A) Admit you were wrong, and ask for his help bringing them to the dump?

B) List them on Craigslist as 'free, you pick up', making them out to be much better than they really are on the internet to trick somebody into taking them away?

or C) Systematically take one at a time and dump it in a different garbage can every time over a few months, and also place one in everybody's recycling bin late at night to get the recycling guys to take them away.

Of course, this is all hypothetical.

But seriously, what would you do?