The funniest story of the year.

I can't even think of this story Ryan told me on New Year's Eve without completely cracking up. Even when I'm on the bus. How embarrassing.

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So it all started with us mixing up some NYE 'wizard's brew' with the kids. For the record, Wizard's Brew is not as awesome as it sounds, it's just ginger ale, orange juice and sparkling orange juice. And a little magic. The kids did get to take turns pouring the juice and pop* though and that's soooooooo fun, right? And they got to pour as much as they wanted of each ingredient, you know? Great times.

We talked about the fun-level at some length as the potion mixing was going on, and the conversation reminded me of this one time when I was eleven or twelve, when I got in really big trouble for mixing up all the different shampoos and conditioners we had in the bathroom.

For the record, I was trying to do the world a favor by making the perfect shampoo. It had to smell nice, have a pretty color and save you time by washing and conditioning your hair at once. It was a lot of hard work...measuring with the various shampoo caps, pouring out excess, mixing with my index finger...etcetera.

I knew I shouldn't be doing my amazing laboratory-grade experiments with my mother's cosmetics so when I failed to make a shampoo worthy of human trials, I tried to discard the evidence by pouring it down the sink. You guys, have you ever tried to pour an entire bottle of shampoo down a sink drain? It does not pour right down. It pools, and heaven help you if you turn on the tap to try and wash it down...and that's when my mom walked in.

The kids were full of questions. What kind of shampoo did I use? Did it cost a lot of money? How did I clean up the shampoo in the end? Did I feel bad? Oh yes, kids, I was full of remorse. I still am. You should never ever ever waste shampoo like that. 

What I didn't tell the kids was that when she asked what I was doing I shouted "It's rotten! The shampoo is too old," like I was doing the family a favor by dumping litres of shampoo down the sink. Needless to say I got in big trouble and that's the end of that story. I remember it very clearly though, I must have been terrified out of my wits at the time.

Well anyway, my story reminded Ryan of this...the funniest story I have ever heard. 

His parents used to buy ten-packs of Irish Spring soap, in bar form, and for a while when he was maybe ten or eleven years old, suddenly the soap was going missing at an alarming rate. Because he spent hours trying to perfect the Irish Springs soap-cut.

Yes, that's right. Ryan thought that this guy looked so cool he locked himself in the bathroom with a butter knife and tried whittling long slices of green soap into the garbage can. AAAHHAHAHA it's too funny, I can't even.

*Yes, pop. I get so self-conscious about my Canadian-isms sometimes here because I know that over half of my readers are Americans. But 'soda' just doesn't feel right to me. So there you go.

diptych: batman and a ceasar

Things I Love Thursday

I love spending alone time with Tank-a-roo. I also love...

This video of Oscar the blind kitten playing with a ball.

Minimalist children's story posters. 

Miss. Indie is giving away a camera I want here.  

Splitsider's list of the best humor writing of 2011. Click the titles of the articles to read them.

These koala pictures. It looks like a little old man!

All the single ladies - real long but interesting.

Ten ways to get ready for 2012...a bit late, but still useful for cleaning out your brain.

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Le Duo Maintenant (found via my friend Larissa who is learning to do this kind of thing!!). They aren't even human, I swear. If you're in a hurry just watch from 6:54 to 7:30 because it's unbelievable.

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YouTube's most shared ads of 2011

This camera collection.  So jealous!

Dean Murdoch (from FUBAR)'s twitter. HAHAHA it's always funny.  Shanto.

Assume positive intent.

This dove rescuer! :) 

This hilarious poem that G. Nolst Trenité wrote about English pronunciation.

Beautiful swear words.

What boys do on the internet. (video)(nsfw)

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Chronic Bitchface - I have this for sure.

via Krisatomic

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Ask a mortician, episode four! :)

Guide to spotting undercover cops at Burning Man.

Croissantasaurus rex.

Unintentionally sexual church signs.

Cookie Monster "singing" God's Away on Business. hahaha

Honest logos. 

A caffeine addict's guide to the world.

Grow the eff up.

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T is for Toilet - an animated horror story about childhood potty training fears...in claymation!

*note* Do not show this to children ever. 

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11 points guide to being an amateur wine snob. 

Falling in love with chick flicks.

This interview with Cameron Garland...one of my best sponsor buddies!  I love his work.

This birthday wish. 

6 killer writing tips from a great-grandmother of a copy editor. 

These two pictures of Tank make me laugh.

Tips to tap into your curiosity. 

This video of 1960s fashion in Greenwich Village, New York City.

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And last but not least...

These photos of Guatemala by Kim Winderman.

For more of her work, click here. I wish I had the guts to take more true-to-life photos like this when I was in Mexico. Next time! Oh hell yes, next time! I'll bring every camera I own! :)

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Wade Davis.

If I had to name a hero, as in someone I look up to, it would be Wade Davis. 

He is probably the world's most interesting man. He's super intelligent, he's one of the best photographers I've ever seen, he's the most well-traveled, he's the most open minded and has had the most experiences of anybody I've ever heard of. He has written some of my all-time favorite books. He must be fearless, as he has probably done more crazy drugs than anybody, from all corners of the earth. (You can hear his description of some of the highs in the video at the end of this post.)

 Photo by Wade Davis.

He's an ethnobotanist from British Colombia, Canada which, for some reason, makes him seem like a 'real human' to me, not some untouchable professor from the USA or some crazy explorer from China. I actually had the pleasure of seeing him speak at the University of Victoria about six years ago about the deforestation of the amazon and about rubber. This man made rubber the most fascinating subject I had ever heard. And I was so star-struck that I basically ran out of there when he was done because I wouldn't know what to say to him if I ran into him afterward. I guess it's what people feel like with their favorite band, I'm a total fan-girl, haha.

Photo by Wade Davis.

Wade Davis often speaks out about the horrifying prospect of language loss, and languages going extinct, which, if you are a long-time reader of Four Eyes Rella, you know is one of the issues I am most passionate about, linguistically and culturally speaking. 

He's now an official National Geographic Explorer. That's his job title.

Anyway, I'll end this rave and let you get a small taste of his awesomeness. This twenty minute video is worth it just for his photos. Oh, and the story about the shit knife.

For more about Wade Davis, you can click here for more TED Talks or here for his National Geographic profile, or here for an unoficial Wade Davis fan website.

diptych: two types of beautiful

diptych: cats vs dogs

Hating the bus goes global: Melbourne, Australia

This next post is by Christine. She says she has no photos of herself at all, so let's just all imagine she looks like this. 

(Bettie Page photo by Bunny Yeager)

Anyway, here's what Christine has to say about public 'transport' in Australia. Enjoy! 

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In Melbourne we have Trams, Trains and Buses. We also call it “Public Transport” 

Trams are giant, rattling sardine cans made to run slowly and make you late for everything, even when you leave an hour early. They are usually always packed full of people and you have a high likelihood of standing for the whole way or if you are lucky enough to get a seat, be glared at the entire way by someone standing or get bags, small children, other people or your seat neighbour to fall on you as the tram driver takes another corner way too fast. A high percentage of crazies take the  trams. 

I avoid buses like the plague because the drivers have a strict schedule they must meet so they usually tailgate, go too fast and stop too suddenly and most of the time the streets the buses are allocated are too small for the bus, or even two cars side by side. Not as many crazies because the bus drivers make sure everyone has a ticket.

Trains are the best place to meet the crazies. One morning I was on my usual train when a man decided the best thing he could do that morning was explain loudly to the train about how a sports ground in a nearby suburb was built upon marshes in the dark ages. Really riveting stuff… When he got told to shut up he abused the train with the words “I am a free citizen and I must educate the masses” or words to that effect and then abused the people who told him to shut the hell up for the next 20 or so minutes.

If you visit Melbourne please make sure you have headphones, music and preferably a drivers licence because public transport is not something tourists should see. 

Not that anyone, including the locals can work out the system anyway.

Its all character building right? 

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It is all character building, isn't it? I must have loads of character by now. Anyway, if you enjoyed this, please let Christine know in the comments. And if you have any advice or stories about public transit transport, please email me at novaisawesome at gmail dot com. I'd love to share your story!

Seven questions to ask when you're not sure who you're becoming.

This was originally posted on unicorns for socialism and I think it's a brilliant way to start the new year. Everybody should ask themselves these questions every once in a while. Here are my honest answers. What about you?

1. What am I freakishly good at?

I am freakishly good at reading people and subtext. I can single out a pretty or interesting thing in a world of ugly. I am good at waiting and practicing patience. I am good at listening.

2. What do I geek out about? 

I geek out about basically anything to do with languages and linguistics. If I had to choose between four videos called "sex" "celebrity gossip and fashion" "the craziest sports injuries ever" or "the history of English pronouns" guess what I'd pick. hahaha

I am starting to understand the draw to web design and other kind of abstract aesthetic arts, but I'm not quite there yet. 

3. If I was a horrifically superficial and shallow person, what would I really want? 

To have an awesome library that has a suit of armor in it or something. To be pretty and have shoulder length hair and know how to style it all the ways. To not need glasses but have a few pairs just in case I felt like wearing them. To have a beautiful and sophisticated business lady-ish wardrobe with lots of blazers and cool blouses and trousers and stuff.  To live in a large-ish house somewhere near a city center but still on a quiet street with a pretty view. To have as many pets as I want and someone who will clean the litter box and cat puke and acutally do all my housework because doing laundry is so boring.

4. What do I want to be known for? 

I want to be known as being reliable and responsible, undramatic and level-headed. I want to be known as a smart person. I want to be an integral part of a powerful team.

5. If I had a full year off and a stipend of {insert 'How dare you?!' amount of money here}, how would I spend it? 

I would travel and force Ryan to come with me. I mean it. We would go to places that are 'on my list', you know, everyone has an 'i want to go there' list. I would also go to unexpected places, and places we hardly know exist.  I would bring a few of my favorite cameras, lots of film, and take thousands of photos. I would get tattooed by my favorite tattooers all over the world too and buy Ryan tattoos too if he wanted. We would stay in hotels, hostels and tents, and eat in restaurants and with street vendors ... a mix of everything.


6. What's going to be carved on my hypothetical tombstone? 

"Live your life for love and happiness", or something like that. 


7. If my parents/my grandma/whoever holds my sense of personal propriety in check was GONE and there was noone to offend, upset or disappoint, who would I become?

A writer. I mean, like, maybe a horror story writer or I'd try writing about drugs or sex or violence or something like that. I'm very very very conscious of people I know reading everything I write and it keeps stopping me from getting anywhere.