Dogs With Human Arms. And more!

 If nothing else, you have to watch this video. I laughed out loud at around 0:31. Oh, I just watched it again. It's funny the second time around too!


If dogs with  human  arms aren't your thing, first of all what is wrong with you, don't you have a soul? And why are you reading this blog? And secondly, here are some other things from around ye olde tyme internet:

1. This looks so delicious. Apple. P.B. and Chocolate chips!

2. I love love love this photo!

3. The art of making paper snowflakes.

4. I want this ring more than I've ever wanted a ring before. And like, everything else from this site. 

5. Pretty and colorful animal bones in jars.

6. Gifts that give back by Artichoke Designs.

7. Trent Reznor before Nine Inch Nails.

8. COOL NOTEBOOKS!

9. An invisible empire of sidewalks and gutterspace.

10. Walrus that is terrible at innuendo. Oh. Yes. I LOL'ed for real!

11. Old fireman helmets that look like certain space-themed characters.


12. The italics button is going wacko for some reason. Deal with it. Here's a really super cute video that you've probably already seen by Kirsten Lepore:

Bottle from Kirsten Lepore on Vimeo.

13. A note (business plan?) written by a pimp.

14. Ozzy on Justin Bieber, ahaha!



15. Really pretty "cat diaries" video from Friskies.



16. Oh no, the italics are back. For you  nerds out there, How Would NASA Rescue An Astronaut Who Floated Away From The International Space Station?

Painting A Candy Cane Forest

Here's a pretty pretty painting to look at while I'm away. Enjoy!

Buy it here.

A Tiny Scene from Corner Gas...

 ...as The Archie Gang!

How to...make Mr.Noodles delicious

Well folks, if you're reading this on the 16th, then I'm on my way to somewhere warm and communist. I'm probably stuck in a line-up at customs or trying to read a book with an excited tummy in an uncomfortable chair at this very  moment! Since I'm away, I've scheduled this (and many more) posts to appear. 
Later alligator!
---

Are you poor? Totally broke? 

Can only afford a three dollar meal? 

Do you like the flavor of chip dip? 

Ever wonder what it'd be like on noodles?

Well, thanks to a friend of mine, I have learned the solution to all these questions.

MISTER NOODLES. With sour cream in it.

No, really.

Here's how to make an unhealthy, fattening and completely delicious meal. (snack?)

--------------------

Step one:Go to the grocery store. 

Step two: buy a package of Mr.Noodles 

for like a dollar. 

I like the vegetable flavor. 

Step three: take the flavor packet out of the package.

Step four: steal a little of your roommate's/significant other's 

sour cream from the fridge. 

Step five: combine them.

Step six: tell your dog he can't have any

even though he's so cute.

Step seven: throw the noodles in some boiling water.

Step eight. wait like three minutes until 

they're all noodley and not in a square anymore. 

Step nine: Drain the noodles, 

throw 'em in the bowl with the sour cream/flavor mixture. 

Step ten: ENJOY!

Like I said, it kind of tastes like chip dip with noodles, but you know what? If you're literally broke and have been eating ramen for days anyway, this is a nice way to change it up.

Urban Outfitters Ruined My Christmas

Just a quick note to let everybody know that I HATE Urban Outfitters
and they ruined my Christmas.

Here's what happened:

I ordered something for Ryan through their website. The item was listed as in stock. I also ordered two smaller items for his kids at the same time. Minutes after I clicked the "place order" button, I received an email saying that my order of three items had been placed, and would be sent out within two weeks, which was perfect timing for the package to arrive just before I went away on holidays. I was set.

Well...the package arrived yesterday. With the kids' stuff in it. But not Ryan's present.

I looked at the bill. It named all three items, but beside Ryan's gift it didn't have a quantity listed, whereas beside each of the kids' presents there was a 1.

I checked the website, and the item was still listed as "in stock". So I called their help line. The lady was very matter-of-fact and told me that they were out-of-stock, would never be getting more of the stock, and I shouldn't be angry because they never charged me for anything to do with Ryan's present. (I checked my credit card statement, and that was true.) My order had been canceled.

I asked when my order had been canceled, and she said it would probably have been immediately after I placed the order.

Yeah, okay, fair enough...except I received no notification at all that said anything had been canceled, or that I ordered something that was out of stock. So um, merry Christmas Ryan, you get NOTHING. And I literally found out the day before I take off for two weeks. It's like finding out on Christmas Eve that your present for a loved one isn't coming. I feel awful.

I put a lot of thought into this gift, and was feeling good about my planning and how I had everything ready for me to go away; bills all paid, all hotels and rides booked, Christmas presents bought...etc.

This totally threw me for a loop...I cried. Ryan went onto their facebook site to tell their "fans" about this b.s. and first of all he had to become a fan to write anything which he obviously didn't want to do, and secondly, the post he wrote went somewhere not on their wall...to the "other things" section or something.

So here I go, leaving town, leaving Ryan here to have Christmas without me...and he doesn't get any present from me.  

Fuck you very much Urban Outfitters.  

You suck.

links - o - rama

Well everybody, I'm off like a prom dress. 

I'll be jet setting from different parts of Canada to Cuba to other parts of Canada and back in the next few weeks, doing fun Christmas things, and fun gettin' wasted on the beach things and I don't know when I'll be near an internet connection, so I've scheduled stuff to post while I'm away. 

Knowing me and my terrible internet addiction, I won't be away too much and will still be able to approve and reply to your comments and post updates on all the fun, but if not, then 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

And here are some links to stuff. 

Individual Pacman ghost algorithms. Now you can beat the game.

Cracked's 7 modern dictators who are way crazier than you thought possible.

I wish every traffic light would do this. (video)

IRL tetris...NOOO! Damn 'L' shape!

Einstein on logic and imagination.

My friend Sam's trip to China. The video is long but funny. "Whoa, that's not good, spinning 'round when you've got altitude sickness!" And they also literally go to Shangri-La. It's an actual place! Also? YAK JERKY!

BLIND CAT RESCUE blog. AWW kitties!!!

A brief history of the Koreas...written awesomely. I especially like the stuff about Kim Jong Il. What a psy-... well yeah. You'll see.

I would love this cross stitch. It's perfect!

GUERILLA KNITTING!

I saw some trees today that made me so happy! Have you ever heard of guerrilla knitting (aka "Yarn Bombing")? To me, a knitting ignoramus, it seems like magic. How do they get it on there? Total magic. There is no other possible explanation.

I actually spotted these trees from the bus window this morning on my way to work, and immediately jumped off at the next stop to take a few flicks.This is why you should always have a camera with you!

Look how pretty they are!

 

 

See more guerilla knitting projects here, here and here.

The Countdown ... THREE DAYS

I'm so excited up in here...today is my last day at work, then I pack tomorrow (anyone have some EXTREME LIGHT PACKING advice? I need to pack for super hot and then mega cold weather in one backpack.) and then Wednesday I take off on a big adventure!

I've begun scheduling posts for the days I am away because I'm not sure how much internet access there will be where I am going, especially the first week and I don't want you all to get bored of me and forget I exist.

But seriously, if anybody can offer any advice on the following subjects, I'd be grateful.

1. What would you pack if you were going somewhere hot and then somewhere cold?
2. Have you ever hired a car/driver in Cuba? What's the best way to do so?
3. Film cameras vs expensive digital...what should I bring with me? All of them? (haha)
4. Traveling in Cuba (or any country really) as a woman and/or a heavily tattooed person. Advice?
5. How to deal with missing your boyfriend too much while you're away. (haha I know, I know, total cheese-fest)
6. What's a nice cigar to bring back as a gift? I don't want to get suckered into buying some crappy thing, because I have no idea! Help!
7. What to do on a super long flight/traveling day...how to deal with airports, stress and TEN HOURS.
8. Traveling with a large group of people you hardly know to a tourist destination... I've never done this before as an adult. Should I bust out my fanny pack, socks with sandals, and khaki shorts?

I would love to hear your stories and advice on these topics!

x-mas sweater t-shirts

WANT!

You can find these HERE. 

I'll be your best friend if you get me one. For realzies. BFFs.
Think about it.

my sister

You guys don't even know. She's so rad.

GHOST CAMERA! DEVELOPED!

The other day I brought a bunch of film in to get prints made...including the ghost camera!

Images from here and here. 

Yeah, that's right. It puts ghosts into your photos. 

I didn't know what to expect, so I forced myself to expect

the worst. You know, like, little crappy light orbs that people

say are 'spirits' in their photos when it's obviously

a raindrop or something on the lens. 

Actually, it put scary cool ghosts and ... jack'o'lanterns and skeletons in my pictures.

Most of them didn't turn out very well, as with these kinds of things 

there's always a learning curve, but a few turned out hilarious and amazing. 

Here are a few of the best ones!

There's one other picture that is totally funny and great, but I'm 

not going to put it up here because it's going to be a gift. 

I have another one of these cameras ready to go. 

Now that I know how they work, I can't wait to try it again!

Round Two! 

*ding ding*

neutering our dog ... for those of you who were concerned, yes we did

So uh, did you know bulldogs are the highest risk animal to put under anesthesia, even above pugs? It's obvious, when you think about it; they have to stick tubes and junk in their little noses and bulldogs have really messed up airways anyway, all constricted.

Well we felt good about dropping Tank off yesterday morning to get neutered, and the (fantastic) staff at the aminal hospital was all friendly and everything, but still...it was tough to leave the little guy there. Who knew you could get so attached to a dog after nine days?

Yesterday was my day off, so I manned the phones as Ryan tried to sleep. He worked the graveyard shift and then we drove the dog across town in horrible weather and insane morning traffic ... it took us a good hour and a half at least. Needless to say, he was tired.

My job was to phone the vet's office at 2:00 to see how the operation went. The phone rang at 10:00. Terror seized my heart. Unknown caller. Hm. I doubted the vet clinic wouldn't list their number, but I answered anyway just to be safe. And to calm my frantic nerves.

Me: Hello?
Caller: --- (like 2 seconds of dead air)
Me: Hello?
Caller: (sounds like he's talking through a 1930s radio broadcast) Yes. Hello. I assume I am talking to the homeowner, Ryan?
Me: No you're not. (hang up right in his stupid ear)

"What's going on?" Ryan shouted from the bedroom.
"Nothing, justsomestupidguywhothoughtIwasyoubutIhunguponhimgobacktosleep."

I tried to take my mind off things by watching pirated episodes of American Dad and making paper snowflakes (which turned out mighty pretty if I do say so myself). (which I obviously do)

The phone rang at 10:30. And the call display said the vet's office name.

I took a deep breath, got ready for the worst news, and answered in my nicest calmest voice.

"Hello?"

Caller: Oh hi! This is __ from the vet's office, I just wanted to let you know that Tank's doing great, we haven't done the operation yet but he's under the anesthesia and the doctor says there's no complications.

Me: *SIGH OF RELIEF* That's great news! Thanks for calli-

Caller: Well, actually I'm calling to ask you if you want us to remove the tumor your dog has in his right eye. The previous owners had planned to do it eventually, and now would be a great time, since he's already under. (something about lasers and it not being a big deal)

Me: Uh, well...does he need it?

Caller: (something about how it could turn cancerous)

Ryan flew into the kitchen with a wild look in his eyes about this point so I asked the lady to hold on for a sec, covered the mouthpiece and briefed him on what's up. We decided that yeah, obviously he should get a tumor taken out of his eye! Yikes!

I called them back around two and he was fine. Everything was fine, great, he was well behaved, etcetera.

We picked him up at 4:30...the entire staff came out to talk to us about his care, and how his surgery was so dangerous but he was okay and stuff...yikes.

Have you ever seen a dog come out of anesthesia? It is the saddest, cutest, funniest but still sad thing ever. He was so confused, which was the sad part. He kept forgetting where he was when we were in the car, and jumping up, and then getting dizzy and lying back down. And his legs were so wobbly. And he couldn't keep his little eyes open. We took a couple pictures once we got him home and relaxed, because AWWW.

As the ladies at the vet clinic said, he was really good at feeling sorry for himself, haha.

I'm so happy everything went well. This morning he's half back to normal already, and tried to go for a full-blown walk. I had to talk him into peeing on our garbage can instead.

Seriously, who names candy "chicken bones"?

Due to a funny chain of events, Ryan and I 

ended up at WalMart yesterday. 

Let's just say that nobody sells Dickies except 

WalMart. Trust me, we looked.  

What's a dickie you ask? It's like...a faux turtleneck. 

I can't tell you whether or not we found one, 

it's a surprise for a later date.

You know what other image came up 

when I searched "Dickie"? 

This:

AMAZING.

Anyway, they sure do sell a lot of ... interesting stuff at Walmart. 

I'll show you a few of the things I deemed worthy of a photograph. 

Exhibit A: target practice cubes for children 

in the toy section!

Exhibit B: Opened decapitated chocolate Woodys.

Exhibit C: Uhm...chicken bones. (?)

As we were laughing at this, some lady came

over and told us these were her favorite candies. 

Dickie image 1 from here.

Dickie image 2 from here.

Learn About....The Blanket Octopus

Blurry and Grainy Photos of a Pretty and Noisy Night

(click any photo to enlarge)

(although there's no point 'cause they're so out of focus)

 And last but not least...the Simpsons truck. 

I doubt they have the proper permission to use these, but hey, it looks pretty cool.