Monday, January 2, 2012

Hating the bus goes global: Melbourne, Australia

This next post is by Christine. She says she has no photos of herself at all, so let's just all imagine she looks like this. 
(Bettie Page photo by Bunny Yeager)

Anyway, here's what Christine has to say about public 'transport' in Australia. Enjoy! 


In Melbourne we have Trams, Trains and Buses. We also call it “Public Transport” 

Trams are giant, rattling sardine cans made to run slowly and make you late for everything, even when you leave an hour early. They are usually always packed full of people and you have a high likelihood of standing for the whole way or if you are lucky enough to get a seat, be glared at the entire way by someone standing or get bags, small children, other people or your seat neighbour to fall on you as the tram driver takes another corner way too fast. A high percentage of crazies take the  trams. 

I avoid buses like the plague because the drivers have a strict schedule they must meet so they usually tailgate, go too fast and stop too suddenly and most of the time the streets the buses are allocated are too small for the bus, or even two cars side by side. Not as many crazies because the bus drivers make sure everyone has a ticket.

Trains are the best place to meet the crazies. One morning I was on my usual train when a man decided the best thing he could do that morning was explain loudly to the train about how a sports ground in a nearby suburb was built upon marshes in the dark ages. Really riveting stuff… When he got told to shut up he abused the train with the words “I am a free citizen and I must educate the masses” or words to that effect and then abused the people who told him to shut the hell up for the next 20 or so minutes.

If you visit Melbourne please make sure you have headphones, music and preferably a drivers licence because public transport is not something tourists should see. 

Not that anyone, including the locals can work out the system anyway.

Its all character building right? 

It is all character building, isn't it? I must have loads of character by now. Anyway, if you enjoyed this, please let Christine know in the comments. And if you have any advice or stories about public transit transport, please email me at novaisawesome at gmail dot com. I'd love to share your story!

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