beautiful Victoria

anthropomorphic produce

sit on this

diptych: two places I will probably never eat in

even ugly photos have some charm

the nothing that is something.

I don't know when I put two and two together but I can now understand this fear and anger I get when I walk down the sidewalk. 

When I was 22 or 23 years old, I was in Colima, Mexico. It's a smallish city, very nice. It's the state capital and has an active volcano, which was a trip. Smoke came out of it and there were earthquakes and everything. I was studying Spanish there.

I was walking down the street with a Canadian friend and her mom who had come to visit. We were drawing a lot of attention because I don't think Colima gets a lot of foreign visitors and we were all very blonde ladies walking together. A car pulled up and the passenger said something about tortillas and made a slapping motion with his hands...the sign for lesbians. We younger girls who had been there a while were like "nope" and tried to ignore them, but her mom didn't understand why we were being "so rude" when the guys were obviously just trying to talk to us about tortillas. It sounds funny now but we were soooo embarrassed at the time. 

Anyway that's not the story, I just remembered that happened, and it helps give you an idea what kind of attitude some Mexican men seem to have towards foreign women. I just remembered another horrible thing involving hitch hiking ... that story's for another day I think. 

What I want to talk about today happened on the same walk. We were going side by side down the sidewalk, I was on the side closest to the houses (no front yards, just housefronts on the sidewalk), my friend was in the middle and her mom was at the other end. 

We were just doing whatever and suddenly this man, who had been casually leaning up against his doorframe as we walked past seriously jumped out, thrust his arm up the front of my skirt and tried to...who knows what really because the next thing I knew I was chasing him down the sidewalk screaming at him in English. He ran like such a coward you guys, because I was about to kill a motherfucker. 

I didn't even realize I had kicked my stupid platform sandals off until I was halfway down the block. My friend and her mom didn't really see what happened, they were yelling at me to come back. So I went back. 

Nothing really happened but ... something happened. I'm pretty sure I blew it off as a 'wasn't that weird?' thing, and forgot about it. Whatever happens in Mexico stays in Mexico. Whatever.

That is until years and years later, now, one day I questioned out loud why I get so scared of men standing in doorways as I walk past. Why am I certain they're up to no good. Even if they're just smoking outside a restaurant, or they're very old with a walker and are just taking a break. Or if they're panhandling, busking, enjoying the sunshine...it doesn't matter. They are going to get me. Sometimes I'll straight up start a panic attack if I see a particularly shadowy gentleman in the direction I want to walk. 

And just saying these things out loud made it all click. It made sense. It's like a form of PTSD maybe. All the helpless and angry feelings come back every time. And suddenly I can't breathe right.

Even though I know that the chances of something like that happening again are very very small, and even though I know why I'm having the feelings I'm having, because of that assault what ... Seven? Eight? years ago, I still have this terror. And I can't imagine living through something worse. Because really nothing happened. Well something happened but it was nothing.

------------------------------------

A gate, a haircut and a bank appointment. And me getting annoyed in three acts, because I know you all love my bitter stories.

I'm going downtown in a bit here to talk to the bank about hopefully getting a loan and/or consolodating some debt. I'm scared, because that kind of abstract number thinking just goes right over my head. There's something about it I can not grasp. I'm no dummy but I certainly am when it comes to money and math.

Long story short, if I can't come up with $700 by ... really soon, I have to wait another year to apply for the course I want to get into because I didn't decide what I wanted to do until the last minute. No pressure.

Way to go, me. Making split second decisions on my entire future. Ha. Whatever, I just hope to gain some clarity on my situation and see if the bank can help me.

And then after that I have a haircut appointment! For a real professional haircut!! I've been DIY-ing my hair for over a year. It's not HORRIBLE but it's definitely not nice right now. But it will be soon.

Thanks everyone for wishing me luck on my Medical Terminology final, it worked. I got a solid 93%, which is not the hundred I was hoping for but to be fair I really phoned in the "studying" for it. So yay. No more flash cards! I dramatically threw my flash cards into the garbage as I walked out of the classroom, it was as awesome as it sounds.

Oh ha, I just remembered something that made me angry just before the exam happened. You want to hear about it don't you? Of course you do! So here it is.

Scene: I walked into the nearly empty classroom full of tables and chairs, and chose an aisle seat at an empty table for easy escape. There were three chairs to my right.

Girl1 enters and sits in one of the chairs. Girl2 enters and sits in another one of the chairs. Girl3 enters and sits in the last chair.

Girl1: Like oh my gosh, where's Girl4 going to sit? There's like someone in her seat. Oh my god, where's she going to sit?

Girl2: Oh my god, she's like gonna be so like mad. I totally told her we could all sit together.

Girl3: What are we going to doooo? (looks at me with her dopey idiot eyes)

Me: (Pretends to not hear any of it.)

Girl2: Girl4's here. Hiiiii.

Girl4: Um...so....where am I going to sit?

Girl1: I don't know! Oh my gosh I'm soooo sorrry.

Girl4: (super dramatically) I GUESS I can sit over here. By myself.

Me: (SUPER annoyed because we are writing a fucking exam, you can't even look at your friends during an exam, who cares where you're fucking sitting??)

Me: Do you want me to move? I can just sit over there.

Me: (Gestures to an empty chair, literally three feet away)

Girl1: REALLY? Um, like, if that's okayyy, because...um like it's really confuuuusing right now and....

Me: Yeah. (moves seats)

Girl1: Thanks dude. (All fucking high school catty-voice.)

Scene 2: I sit down beside a lady probably in her late fourties or early fifties. All throughout the course she has seemed a little neurotic and weird, and also really prudish, any time there's sex or anything mentioned in the class she'd go "TMI! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" hahaha but anyway it's just to write an exam so I didn't care who the hell I was sitting beside.

Lady: Oh...you're sitting here now.

Me: Yup. The gals back there all wanted to sit together.

Lady: Oh...so...hmmmm. I wonder where my friend is.

Me: (don't care)

Lady: So...you're sitting where she sits. Um...well...you're really going to jinx me.

Me: (Thinking WHATTHEFUCKAREYOUSERIOUSLADY?) Um. Sorry about that?

But I stayed there anyway and then through the entire exam she fidgeted, like clicking her pen a bunch and wiggling her feet in a way so her shoes squeaked and stuff. Annoying!

Scene 3: We all had to wait until everybody finished their exams, and then we got a stranger's paper and marked them, so we could get our marks back immediately. 
When we were finished, we all had to kind of yell out "I HAVE LINDSAY'S PAPER, WHO'S LINDSAY?" or whatever, it was like a bazaar of exam papers. I finished totalling up "Lindsay" 's paper and then sat there waiting and waiting and waiting for mine to be finished. Finally...

Girl3: Nova? Who's Nova?

Me: (Oh no, not that idiot!) That's me!

Girl3: Um...so...

Me: (goes to grab my exam, which has been marked in pink highlighter)

Girl3: Um...I didn't like...um...add up the checkmarks...

Me: What do you mean?

Girl3: Like...math is hard so ... I don't know what to do??

Me: What?

Girl3: Um...so like, can you do it?

Me: I guess so?

Me: (takes the exam and adds up the wrong answers)

Me: I got 13 wrong.

Girl3: so...then...

Me: It's out of 223.

Girl3: so...you got....

Me: Two hundred annnnd.... (trying to get her to come to the solution on her own)

Girl3: um...??

Me: TWO TEN.

Girl3: Um..oh...yeah. Um...wow, good math! Good job! You're good at math!

Girl3: (writes that I got 223 out of 210)

Me: Close enough.

taxes and asymmetry

Last year and the year before and the year before that I brought my tax stuff to a very popular tax filing company that has a green logo and promises that they will get you the maximum amount of money back possible. It's a huge stress and hassle every year and I always seem to get super condescending twenty year old men in ill-fitting suits. They charge about a hundred bucks to do one person's personal taxes, and generally I'd get like a hundred and seventy back every year which seemed low, but I thought 'hey, they know what they're doing'. 

This year I filed my own taxes online. Royal Bank of Canada had a promotion on where if you file online they'll pay the fees, so it's free. I guess they're just really pushing for people to do their own taxes over the internet, you know, to save manpower and trees.

So it was free for me to do, took about half an hour because mine are the simplest taxes known to mankind basically, and I got over $800 back. Um. WHAT? And now I am just wondering how much money I've missed out on over the years. 

This is what I did with my tax return:

1. bought the cat a new fancy litter box

2. bought laundry soap and groceries

3. paid my credit cards down so I'm not over limit on both of them anymore

4. bought the dog a new non-stinky bed

5. bought a new pair of shoes (that I desperately needed)

6. bought a new bathing suit (treat yo self)

7. took Ryan out for lunch

8. bought contact lenses

And I'm using the rest on bills, a summer gym membership and a haircut. So basically I'm the most boring human on earth. But the point is...if you think your tax return is low, don't keep going back to the same place to have them done for your entire life!

tank on a tiny sidewalk

These photos are no trick of perspective. In fact, some genius decided to just kind of taper the sidewalk off near our local shopping center. You start out thinking ... well, nothing ... about the sidewalk, it's just a sidewalk. And then it gets narrower and narrower and next thing you know your drooly dog is taking up the entire thing and you're walking on the road.

Quick Tank update, because last time I said anything about him I was like HE HAS A LUMP ON HIS TAIL PANICPANICPANIC. We took him to the vet and it turns out it's just a gross ol' cyst. He also had an ear infection, poor fella. So we got a bunch of ear drops and tail drops (haha) and best of all, through some hilarious trial and error we had to figure out how to force a bulldog to take a yucky tasting pill twice a day.

(Smother it in peanut butter and put it on top of his food at meal times. He won't even notice.)

Special thanks to Rochelle for discouraging us from crushing the pill and mixing it into something, did you know that if you crush pills you can make the ineffective and/or hurt your dog's tummy? If the vet gives you a pill it has to be taken whole. I assume the same goes for doctors and humans. Anyway in case you're a dummy like I was and didn't know, now you do.

concrete bumps to combat hobo campers

mosaic whale

diptych: my bathroom friends

Not sure why that second photo uploaded with lines all over it but I'mma just blame blogger for that. I picked these little luchadors up in an open-air market in Puebla, Mexico a few years ago. They're hand painted and cost me like a dollar for ten of them. They all hang out at the mirror over the sink in "my" bathroom. It's mine because a) it's purple and I chose that color, and b) the litter box is in there and somehow we decided that the cat is mine only and so is her stink. Fine by me, 'cause hey, I get my own bathroom.

fancy f***

normal...?

a real live castle

Turner's

This building is so sad. It's gorgeous, with so much character, and the current owners are just letting it fall apart.

eagle sock, blood on the sidewalk, coffee and a day planner

decrepit

This building is so sad. It's in one of the best locations in the entire city, on the water, right downtown, and is just rotting and falling apart. Whoever owns it refuses to sell it or do anything with it. And so it stays.

 ---

I went to the gym for the first time in probably eight years yesterday. It was super intimidating for the first little bit but luckily Ryan was there as my safety net. If I didn't know what to do next I could just go up to him and pretend to have a casual conversation or something. I also used the water fountain as the place to go and scope out the machines.

I am really out of shape, you guys. My muscles were so confused, but also happy, so I think I'll be going back soon.

One thing I do not understand is this culture of picking people up at the gym though. I guess it's a great place to find super hot people. Oh and if you're really into fitness I suppose it's cool to know that everybody in that one place has similar interests to you...but here's a tip: if there's a visibly awkward person wearing purposefully non-alluring workout gear and actually working up a sweat while listening to an iPod, and is there with her boyfriend that person is not looking to be hit on. I guarantee it. Go for the ones wearing makeup.

vines or whatever

seen on a walk...and I met an internet friend

ALSO, I met Erin Disaster the other day. I didn't get any photos because I was all flustered and totally forgot that I'm a blogger and it's my responsibility to show you 85 perfectly styled photos of us eating some sort of fancy food together. 

Funny story, that morning I got so excited and nervous about meeting an internet friend that I waaaay overthought my outfit and ended up putting on my favorite brooch because bloggers like brooches, right guys?

It was all a waste of nerves because Erin and company were so nice and down to earth it doesn't even matter. She even let me hold her friggin' heavy (and I assume expensive) camera. 

They stopped by my work and basically all I said was like "Oh my gosh you're a real person, yes you can take photos but not of that girl with her pants off back there. Welp, gotta go clean tattoo equipment, see ya later." Because yeah, that's my work/social skills in a nutshell.