four-eyes rella: What it's like to get your knee tattooed.

In December I ever so casually asked my boss Gerry if I could get a rose tattoo from him sometime in 2012, because I decided that was my New Year's resolution and he makes really nice roses. Somehow we decided I should get two, one on each of my knees.What the heck was I thinking? haha just kidding. But I was scared as hell.

I started googling knee tattoos like crazy. I couldn't picture how it was going to look, and honestly there's not much out there on the internet about them. It makes sense when you think about it, hardly anything will look good in that spot because of all the bending. In the end I decided just to trust Gerry and see what he came up with.

Yesterday was the day.

We talked about the options: doing both of the outlines, or just finishing one entire tattoo, or going for the gold and getting both done in one sitting. I am SO GLAD I didn't try to do both of them! hahaha I knew I wouldn't be able to sit through both tattoos because even though you'd think a rose is just a small palm-sized-ish easy tattoo...it's not when it's on the knee. You have to consider how much the surface area expands when you bend it. The one tattoo took around 2.5 hours, it's pretty big!

We put the stencil on with my leg straight out, and then I bent it and Gerry drew a bunch of leaves and petals and spiky things on with a sharpie. And then there was a lot of looking in the mirror and people saying "Okay straighten it. Bend it. Straighten it. Bend it." It didn't seem too difficult for Gerry to figure out what would look good. And so we went for it.

The outline went pretty well, it felt really weird though. And there was one leaf kind on the inside I immediately declared my 'enemy' because it really hurt a lot. Right on the kneecap and the spot below your knee that gets skinned when you fall down were really easy for me, but around the sides (as I had been warned, thanks Amalie!) were pretty terrible. After the lining we took a little break and Gerry took this instagram photo.

I was actually planning on making a little video of me getting tattooed, but hoo-boy I'm glad I didn't. It was getting pretty crazy up in there, even at that point. Not that it particulary hurt really bad, but my body was not having it. I had so much adrenaline, and my reflexes were totally making me want to kick my leg out straight. It was the weirdest thing. I'm normally a pretty good tattoo client but I got all shaky and shivery like I've seen so many other people do. So I got myself a drink of water and a sucker, we took a three minute break and then, just like that I was good to go again.

I'm making it sound so dramatic but I couldn't help it, my body was going crazy. I have to confess...I even moved a few times! Usually I sit really well but I couldn't control my lower leg! It literally took me concentrating as hard as I could in a few spots just to sort of stay still. Gerry's pretty good at guessing when people are gonna wiggle, and roses are really forgiving, so you can't really tell but I was not at my best that day.

Coloring that fucking enemy leaf was the worst, but Gerry's real good at just kind of powering through, even when I'm breathing weird and going into the fetal position, hahaha. I tried to tell him how much I appreciate that all-business approach, but I think it sounded like I was calling him mean. I meant it as a compliment damnit! I wasn't at full mental capacity by that point.

I don't know about you guys but when I get tattooed my IQ drops dramatically for the rest of the day. Later at the grocery store I couldn't figure out how much money to give to the lady, she had to tell me "Okay just take that dollar back now." And later I told Ryan I felt like I couldn't follow the plot of and epiode of New Girl, and we should be watching Wipeout Canada or wrestling or something, haha.

Anyway, back to the tattoo. After we got going again it got weirder. I told Gerry I wished somebody was there to hold my leg down. I also couldn't stop laughing at one point because it just felt so strange and I had to hide my face and hug my elbows as hard as I could for like an hour to get rid of some of the crazy adrenaline-fueled energy I had.

It was really intense, actually. I couldn't relax and go to my happy place like I normally do because I had to focus so hard on not moving. But again I'm making it sound so terrible and dramatic, I'm just letting you in on what was going on inside me, the tattooee. On the outside I'm sure I didn't look as insane as I felt. Or maybe I did a little bit...Gerry told me the way I was sitting was making him sad, hahaha.

But I LOVE IT. I'm so happy we did it, and I am definitely going to get the other one done soon. Well, soon-ish. Not like, next week or anything. Because I'm getting my arm tattooed next week!! AAAHHH :) But also because I need a month or so to recover from this one. I think if we tried to do the other one today or something I'd be flinching away from every touch. Ah, reflexes.

So, in conclusion, knee tattoos feel really weird. But they look cool.