diptych: in the tattoo shop

I hate public bathrooms because I see how many people suck at washing their hands. Did you know that I haven't had a cold in almost a year and a half? I credit that to proper and frequent hand washing. Really, if you just do the hands under the faucet for two seconds thing, you are disgusting. You know who you are. Use some fucking soap.

I wash my hands after being in public, after touching anything 'dirty', after playing with the dog, after cleaning the cat litter, before touching the clean dishes in the dishwasher, before touching food... maybe it's not common sense, but because I've always worked with food and then at a tattoo shop, but HELLO, it's called CROSS CONTAMINATION people. 

Anyway...that's the end of my rant. Wash your hands often. That is all.

***update***

How's this for irony? The day after I wrote this (Wednesday) I caught a disgusting head cold and a killer sore throat/cough attack and it's still going strong. FFFUUUUUUUUUUUCK. So there goes the hand washing theory. You may as well disregard everything I just said above.It doesn't work. Blow your nose directly onto your hands and lick stripper poles for all I care.

Here's my dog asleep and awake.

That's his sleepy face. Aww.

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It's my birthday! I am officially 29! Ding ding ding. I dyed my hair brown for the occasion, but some of the red REFUSED to come out. And only some, it was weird...so now I have brown hair with some red bits. But it kinda looks cool, like I did it on purpose, so I'm fine with that. I'll show y'all a picture when it's not 7am with me in my jammies.

Things I Love Thursday

 I love making you guys barf all over your computer screens because we are so sweet!

I also love...

The Bloggess's "put a bird on it" story. Part 1 and the exciting conclusion. Ah, Portlandia!

Native Mongolians see their portraits for the first time.

Men in pin-up girl poses. 

On the Pink Floyd pig!

How to be a hipster, part 3. See part 1 here and part 2 here. They are hilarious! And humbling. I'm like seventy percent hipster, according to these rules. SHIT.

When you make animal noises at animals you are not talking to them.

Finding balance. 

Chuck Palahniuk tattoo! I may have to copy this idea.

Draw a stickman and see what happens! 

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This reverse map pinning idea by Evan Cook! Found via eyeteeth. I want to do this!

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Watch this German guy totally trash daddy long legs. Yes, the spider. It may be the funniest internet video I have ever seen in my entire life.I have watched it six times.

Strawberry nails!

I'm So Jealous!: How To Deal With The Green Eyed Monster

Stamping out the persistent myths and misconceptions about tattoos. Note: DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS unless you want to be thrown into a fiery all-consuming rage.

All about airports around the world.

Sleeping suspended. 

The ballerina project.

Sounds of The Simpsons.

I want this travelers notebook for next time I go somewhere. Except maybe probably not in leather.

How to steal like an artist.

What school lunches look like in 20 countries around the world. This is SO neat! There are a few examples from each country. Some look freakin' delicious! Hello France!

Tamimi - Giraffe Manor. If I don't get to stay here within my lifetime, I will be so angry!

How to surround yourself with writing inspiration.

A Dexter themed dining room. Of course. 

This blog featuring photos of terrible tips servers get. Hilarious.

The seven ages of mandelion...I love this!

What photos look like when taken with film that expired in 1959. Pretty cool, actually.

Keith Davis Young's photography. I mean really, where did he find all those vacuum cleaners?

In your face!

Spoiler alert: he's okay!

So...you know that thing where you're two thirds of the way through getting a huge surprise "you wanna do it now?" tattoo and then the phone's for you? And then it's something serious and you aren't sure if you should get up or keep getting tattooed?

I had that yesterday.

Me: "Hello?" lying on the table, Kyle just tattooing away.
Ryan: "Hey. Don't worry, everything's fine."
Me: "What?"
Ryan: "I'm at the hospital. I was in a car accident."

Okay everybody, if you are fine, but have been in a car accident and are at the hospital, this is the correct way to notify somebody. Tell them you're okay BEFORE you tell them you got in an accident! I seriously appreciated that he spared me the heart attack, you know? 

So what happened was Ryan was on his way to work yesterday, just minding his own business, stopped at a stop light, when WHAM! Someone hit him from behind, going full speed. He never even tried to hit the brakes, from what the witnesses say.

He hit him so hard that even though Ryan had stopped three or four feet away from the car in front of him, his car was propelled forward so much that he crashed super hard into that car too. He doesn't remember this at all, but apparently our car is like a freakin' accordion, and the firemen had a hard time getting him out of there because the doors are fucked.

He was taken away on a stretcher, and woke up in the hospital. The first thing he said was "Is everybody else okay?" which is so Ryan, he's amazing. The nurses laughed at him because the next thing he said was "I need to be out of here by Thursday to pick up my kids!"

They were like "okay we know we're slow, but we're not that slow."

So anyway, he called me after they did all their tests, x-rays, etc. because he didn't want me to rush out of my tattoo appointment for no reason. He took a taxi home, and was there when I got home later on.

I'm not as heartless as this makes me sound, of course I asked him if I should come down there! But the thing is...we don't have a car now, so um...we would have ended up taking the bus or a taxi anyway, and it would have taken me around 45 minutes - an hour to get there. It was just logical that I didn't go.

Kyle was like "okay I'm still trying to do a good job here, but I'll stop fucking around and hurry up so you can get home."

I actually think I hurt myself a bit getting home, I definitely feel it this morning in my busted feet...I wasn't thinking about walking slowly and carefully, I was thinking "I HAVE TO SEE HIM NOW"  and I have a sore throat and stuffy nose too?? What the? That has to be Ryan's fault too, right? haha

So long story short, I got a fucking bad-ass tattoo, Ryan has torn muscles all up in his neck and back, we have a lot of paperwork and car rentals, etc. to do, and yesterday was a lot more exciting than I had anticipated it being.

***UPDATE***

The on-scene policeman didn't write down the other driver's information (THE FUCK?!) so the insurance guy is all like "We can't say who was at fault." Um...HE WAS STOPPED AT A RED LIGHT. HUH?

--- Anyway here's my tattoo ---

be the duck

My 29th birthday is coming up ladies and germs, and seeing as I'm like AGES older than the majority of you, I thought I may impart some wisdom.

I have been thinking about this for a couple days, sparked by an immensly immature and passive-aggressive Twitter war I was sucked into. Which is a big no-no in the first place, because you can never win an argument on the internet. Nobody wins, you just go around in circles forever, getting frustrated and angry when the person on the other end is not worth your time.

That's lesson number one, everybody. Don't let internet things get your goat, it is never worth it. Do not respond. I repeat, do not respond. You can smash your mouse against the wall if it makes you feel better, but don't feed the bears! At the tattoo shop we've adopted a saying: Be the duck. Meaning, let it all roll off your back.

Basically though, the thing that got me was that a 20 year old girl told the internet that "someone" is pathetic for being happy in a "dead end job" and the internet should feel sorry for "them". She later denied it was about me, which is her typical M.O., bitch about someone without using names, then get busted and cowardly deny it.

Now, of course my first reaction was to be angry, but now that I'm thinking about it, I shouldn't let her ignorance bother me, right? I mean, what does she know of humanity? She is judging me based on a very limited worldview. I would like to talk to her about it in ten years and see what she has to say to me then.

Literally one of the most important things I have learned over my 29 years is that everybody has a story. Everybody is interesting if you take the time to get to know them. And I do mean everybody. The nine year old you used to babysit, the seventy year old man talking to himself on the corner...

Everybody has a different path, and if you judge them on their choices or lifestyle it is probably because you don't understand where they've been and what caused them to make the decisions they make. There is no wrong way to make a life, as long as it is balanced, healthy and that the person in question is happy.

In my case, I've found happiness in simplicity. I have the time and mental space to do other things around my job, and during the work week I am basically getting paid to hang out with my friends. Um, to me that is awesome. I know plenty of people in careers who are bored stiff, not making much more money than I am, and slowly drying up and dying inside.

I am one hundred percent content in my life, with the exception of having to take the bus every day and having hurt feet. :) But how many people can truly say that? I am very free right now, I can do what I want when I want. I'm not locked into contracts, I'm not married to someone I hate, I am happy.

If you find yourself in my position, with somebody telling you that you're not good enough, or you are a loser or should do more with your life, then just remember that a fancy career and money do not buy happiness! And that is true. One hundred percent. Take it from someone who used to be "the rich girl" who lived in the biggest house in our town. I left that place and became a dirt-poor semi-homeless hippie. On purpose.

Do what makes you happy and never listen to life critics. Usually it means they are unhappy with themselves in some way and are trying to drag you  down to their level. Stay above it. Let it roll off your back.

Be the duck. 

diptych: me and the dog

Not for the religious, not for the easily offended.

Richard Dawkins' The Root of All Evil? The Virus of Faith.

part 1

part 2

It's official, I never want to go to Jerusalem.

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I'm blogging every single day of October with Blogtoberfest, just so's you all know. Not that that's really any change, I seem to be doing that anyway.